F#&%ing Relationships - “Oh, Hi!” and the Woes of Modern Dating
By Morgan Roberts
The band Haim kicked off this summer with their new single, “Relationships” - an anthem to the mess and complications of modern dating. There really is nothing more cathartic than scream singing “Fucking relationships” knowing there are many other women like you who doing the same thing. The struggles of love are nothing new, but in a post-“It’s Complicated” relationship status world filled with dating apps, dating feels like a new fresh hell. With her sophomore film, “Oh, Hi!”, writer/director Sophie Brooks tackles the chaos, mess, and insanity of modern dating.
Dating has never been easy, but it feels like the aches and pains have reached a new level since the introduction of technology. Gone are the “meet cutes” of rom coms gone by. Blind dates seem to be a thing of the past. Instead, dating has moved to apps on phones, with everyone trying to put the most likable parts of themselves on full display, hoping it gains attention and further traction into a real relationship. The vulnerable and sometimes less flattering parts of ourselves aren’t easy to fit into a few photos and some general prompts. And not everyone enters a relationship with the intention. Some view it as the only form of dating, hoping to lead to something serious with some on the other end of the spectrum, using their dating app for hook-ups. Unless explicitly said, it’s difficult to know where someone falls on that spectrum. Even more, once people begin to date in person, the messaging continues to be a muddled mess.
Isaac (Logan Lerman) and Iris (Molly Gordon) in “Oh, Hi!” | Sony Pictures Classics
We find just that in “Oh, Hi!” as couple Iris (Molly Gordon) and Isaac (Logan Lerman) embark on their first trip together. Their secluded getaway, starts off like a screwball comedy. From Isaac running into a strawberry stand and the pair encountering an eccentric local, it feels like a romanic comedy from the aughts. Their weekend away isn’t the only next step the pair take after breaking into the owner’s closet and deciding to engage in some sexual bondage play. But the night turns when Isaac admits he sees their four month relationship as casual whereas Iris very much believes they are committed to one another. Want starts off as a whirlwind vacation turns into a nightmare for the two, with Iris leaving Isaac chained to the bed, “Misery” style.
Dating makes you feel absolutely insane. Did you read too much into that text? Did I overreact to the story they told? Am I being too loud? Am I getting too serious, too fast? Am I not being serious enough? When they said they want to be with you, do they actually mean it or do they want to be able to impossibly have his cake and eat it too? It’s exhausting. And Iris’s reaction to Isaac’s admission feels like a justifiable breaking point. Are the lengths she goes to a little extreme? Yes. But I think there is a tiny little part of our brains that understand that deep desire to keep everything together. Especially when, for years, women in particular have been told that keeping a relationship together is their responsibility. Even in “Oh, Hi!”, Iris’s mom (Polly Draper) gives Iris horrible advice. It was reminiscent of Susanna Fogel’s “Life Partners” (2014). In that film, Paige (Gillian Jacobs) takes bad advice from her own mother on how to keep her boyfriend Tim (Adam Brody) interested or convince him to grovel. It undermines Paige and Tim in their own relationship, and more importantly, it actually belittles Paige.
Likewise, Iris convinces herself that if she keeps Isaac in a room to bond, it will fix what was broken. But what this film explores is how perhaps a relationship was never really able to break when not everyone is fully invested in it. And that is the confusing and utterly frustrating part. Weekend trips, someone’s mom knowing you exist, homemade meals, sex with the lights on, someone seemingly emotionally vulnerable when they see you’ve been crying. Those, and many other signs, feel like they should be solid affirmations that this relationship is more than casual. But they never are.
Kenny (John Reynolds) and Max (Geraldine Viswanathan) in “Oh, Hi!” | Sony Pictures Classics
But it’s not all woe. The film smartly uses Iris’s best friend Max (Geraldine Viswanathan) and her boyfriend Kenny (John Reynolds) as a success story. While not common, dating apps can sometimes work. But it’s when both people are ready for the same thing, communicating that from the get go. Kenny himself feels like a bit of a rarity. He shows up not only for Max but for Iris as well. And while not totally on his side, Kenny still tries to support Isaac. He is very sure of himself, and unafraid to be vulnerable. These depictions of men in films directed by women are some of the most intriguing. For every dozen of Isaacs you encounter, there is still a Kenny out there. Similarly, in last year’s “My Old Ass,” we saw green flag personified in Chad (Percy Hynes White), which made it endlessly difficult for Elliott (Maisy Stella) to understand why her older self (Aubrey Plaza). Chad liked “Little Women,” fixing boats, and genuinely getting to know Elliott. Much like Chad, Kenny is equally emotionally vulnerable, genuine, and kind. Not all men are Isaac. There are Kennys out in the world, but why does it feel like we all seem to only attract the former?
While Max has the supportive partner, Iris is left wondering not only how she could have misread every interaction, but ultimately, what makes her not good enough? How is she not the only one Isaac wants to be with? How is she not worthy of his love? All questions more rooted in his own insecurities, his lack of emotional intelligence, yet all bestowed to Iris to internalize. “Oh, Hi!” continually wears its heart on its sleeve, just like Iris. She so desperately wants to be seen and valued and loved. And those deep desires ultimately make her break when she is made to believe yearning for those things are uninteresting in the person she chose to see, value, and in some ways, love.
Isaac (Logan Lerman) and Iris (Molly Gordon) in “Oh, Hi!” | Sony Pictures Classics
Dating has always been hard, but it feels like it is becoming impossible. We’ve found ourselves in an endless cycle of photo filters, right swipes, and bad first dates. There has to be *something* that breaks this cycle, or we might all go mad in this modern dating world. Those big feelings, fears, and frustrations are explored in the heightened but validating story in “Oh, Hi!” It’s a film about complicated people navigating an intense version of reality. Isaac needs to confront his own fears of commitment, and Iris should definitely lean into her friendships rather than relationships with men. But you understand both of them. It’s scary to commit. Especially when it seems that the self-fulfilling prophecies of doomed relationships are more inevitable than before. It is also utterly scary who be vulnerable; and even more terrifying to let those vulnerabilities be seen and be rejected for them. There feels like those no winning, and yet, we continue to throw ourselves into the world of dating in the hopes, in the face of all obstacles, someone will see us for who we are. Until then, we’ll just keep trying, I guess.
Fucking relationships, am I right?